GET WHAT YOU WANT MOST OF THE TIME: How to Use Negative Emotion to Your Benefit

by Sandra Zimmer

I am of the belief that self-expression is a path to transformation.  To express yourself means that you give yourself permission to share your inner reality with the outside world of others.  Ex-press means to press out, to reveal your inner thoughts and feelings so that others see you for who you really are.  The value of self-expression is empowerment, confidence and creation of what you want. 

Creating or getting what you want is my theme here.  Using the power of self-expression, you can get what you want most of the time.  Oddly enough, your negative emotions are often the key to unleashing an unfettered ability to receive all you could ever want in your life.  You can use your negative emotions to work for your benefit if you understand that they are part of a natural process of transformation.

The purpose of emotion is to tell you what is right and wrong in your life. Positive emotions tell you to move towards whatever and whoever causes the good feelings.  Negative emotion is a clue that something is not good for you and needs to be changed. A strong negative emotion is an inner signal that you need to evaluate what is happening that you don't want.

It is easy to get stuck in the negative feeling and focus only on what is happening that you don't like.  You play it over and over in your head reinforcing the negative situation.  In so doing, you miss the gift of the negative state. 

The negative emotion is only the first step of a three-step process of transformation for the good.  There is an important second step to take in using your negative emotion for your benefit.  This second step is to identify what you do want.  In a few short minutes you can pop out of the negativity by clarifying what you want to be happening.

The empowering third step is to express what you want to the appropriate person(s).  Simply ask for what you do want.  Be careful to focus your request on what you do want rather than what you don't want.  Most of the time, the person will give it to you. Oddly it is the last thing we think of when we are stuck in negativity.  But it is the easiest thing to do.  Once you get in the habit of asking for what you want, the results are like magic in your life!

OK, I know this is simplistic.  But, sometimes simple is best. 

When I was first working with this approach to managing my emotional intensity, I had so much feeling that my requests sounded angry and did not get the best results.  That may happen to you during your learning curve. That's OK, you are learning.  With a little practice, it becomes easy to ask in a neutral tone.  That makes it easy for others to give you what you want. The more you get what you want, the easier it gets to ask for what you want.  The more you ask, the more you receive.  And here's the cool thing.  Once you are getting most of what you want, it becomes very easy to let go of the things that you can't get!

So, next time you find yourself stuck in negative feelings, stop and ask yourself "Just what is it that I want?"  Then ask the right person for it.  Stand back, because you are very apt to get it…most of the time.


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